Posted: June 20, 2012 in BlueBox

I have never felt so resigned as I do now. It isn’t the sigh-of-relief kind. It is like a constant tug that makes you want to do something but can’t, or I suppose, rather not.

I used to have to say or do what I feel I needed to, or it would keep nagging at me. This, whatever this is, it does still, more constantly. The difference is, it’s like watching yourself so helpless in front of you. It feels like you want to do something, but because it’s a free pass to letting you see reality- played by yourself- flash before you, over and over, you are tied up and is not supposed to do anything- at all. You’re allowed to close your eyes if it gets too hard to watch— yet you don’t want to. You don’t know why, but do not want to miss a moment.

Yes, I know, I am not making sense even. Ha. Sue me.


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